(Originally Posted – October 2015)
I want to write. I really want to write. It’s been almost three months since I’ve blogged anything and that feels wrong. But I’ve learned a lot about trying to force the words. That it doesn’t work. I don’t want it to be fake, I want it to be a living, breathing, piece of what I’m experiencing these days. Those kinds of words aren’t the kind you get by sitting in front of the screen, searching your brain for things, and trying to push them out.
So much has happened. It has been sweet; it has been huge; it has been new. I have met the kinds of people who you just want to hold closely to, that you know will still be your friends for many days to come. I have had the kinds of late night conversations over cups of tea that you want to tuck in your pocket and save forever. I have been reminded of who I am and stopped pretending to be anything more than that. I have cried because change is overwhelming, but so is God’s provision along the way. There has just been a whole lot of real life lately.
I have been learning things along the way too. Learning about my own capacity, that I need sleep and I need slowing down. Learning about God and how he continues to bring me to my knees in awe of how gracious he is. Learning about who I am and how to root my identity in him. Learning how to be straight up with people and form the most genuine relationships.
I think what I want to say to anyone reading this is that He is good. He really is so good. I remember reading the verse in Psalm 37:4 about trusting in Him, that says He will give you the desires of your heart. The crazy part is that He knows our deepest desires even when we aren’t sure what they are. Although it may not happen in our time-frame or based on the picture we had in our heads, that’s so okay. Because the vision He has to fulfill our desires is ten thousand times better. Six months ago I didn’t know where I was going to college. I was conflicted, I analyzed, I vacillated. And He knew all along. He knew what my soul was craving. He knew exactly where I was going to end up. He was one by one, putting all the pieces into place. The times when I was worried that I wasn’t going to work out or discouraged that I couldn’t see His plan, He was just whispering, “wait”.
So wherever you are right now, precious girl, wait. Patiently wait in Him. I can promise you that He is preparing you for something incredible. Hold onto that in your moments of doubt. He knows even your most secret hopes. He sees you. One day, maybe soon, maybe far, it’s all going to come together. And oh man, is it going to be beautiful. Beautiful and worth it.
When I wake up in the morning I look around me and just think about how good He’s been to me. He saved me with His grace, but He didn’t stop there. He made me new, but He didn’t stop there. He’s giving me the desires of my heart. Lord, I stand amazed at who you are. You are so faithful.